I picked up Tha King in front of the Sofitel in West Hollywood. He was headed to Bare Elegance, down by LAX, with $4000 cash, ready to make it rain.
But first we had to wait for his pool rider.
He was wearing a hoodie, and had a voice like Tone Loc from away back in the 90’s, gravely and debauched. He reeked of weed. As an icebreaker, I asked him if the ladies liked his voice that way. All conversation flowed from this point. He was surprised I didn’t recognize him, cause he made beats for Future. Also, Young Thug. That’s why he wore a hoodie. He couldn’t take it off in LA, cause the ladies were all up on him as soon as they saw his distinctive array of tats. He also wanted me to know, for a second time, he had $4000 cash in his pocket for the club.
It occurred to me to ask why he didn’t just take his shirt off and save himself the money, but that wouldn’t be in the spirit of our conversation and I didn’t want to step on his flow.
Tha King was flowing. His beats were the bomb. The shit be blowing up because the world wants it. They were so good, everyone wanted to work with him and he couldn’t go back to Texas cause people were looking to shoot him, which was too bad because he had a purple Bentley in his garage. But he was tearing it up in LA. He owned this motherfucker. Besides, the Cowboys were having a terrible year, and he was ready to be a Rams fan.
Did I know The Illuminati chose hiphop as the musical force for taking over the world? Oh, yeah. They got that shit locked down. Also, they cloned Tupac, then they killed the clone to deceive everyone. The real Tupac was still alive and kicking it in tunnels somewhere, waiting for his instructions to return. All the name rappers out there couldn’t carry the message because they had made deals with Satan. The proof of this was while they said God, none of them could say the words Jesus Christ.
Listen to that shit, none of them say Gee-zus cries.
In any case, Jesus had already returned in the form of Tupac, and was chilling in the tunnels.
When I got home I couldn’t help myself, I searched for Tha King on YouTube. There he was, flashing his tats and spitting the hard shit. His video had been up for a year and had enjoyed a total of….437 views. There were two fan comments from a girl who by her picture looked to be about ten years old:
hi there its arie love you daddy
come to winsconsen dad love you daddy love you love you
For some reason, it made me think of this: